


Introductory Lessons In Atlantean Cuisine

by RocksCanFly



Category: DC Animated Universe, DCU, Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: And Has Little Patience For Surface Dweller BS, Atlanteans Are Weird, Gen, How To Mess With The Newbies: A Leader's Guide, Implied Cannibalism, Kaldur Is Meaner Than You Think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 14:14:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10968906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocksCanFly/pseuds/RocksCanFly
Summary: Conner scowled. “Gar is scaring the freshmen again. Thought you should know.”Kaldur resisted rolling his eyes. Barely. “Surely they know better by now than to believe anything he tells them?”Conner shrugged. “Hey, he’s been here for a year and they’re all new. And its not like aliens and Atlanteans are very well known, even inside the League.”Kaldur could feel the corner of his mouth begin to twitch up into a grin, despite himself. “Ah. Those stories.”(In Which The Freshman Are Gullible, Conner Is Annoyed, And Kaldur Is A Bit Of A Shit)





	Introductory Lessons In Atlantean Cuisine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cake and Pi (Tarrin)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarrin/gifts).



> From a kinda-prompt from CakeandPi, which was a response to a post about how hilarious it would be if surface dwellers low-key wondered if Atlanteans were cannibals, which was in itself a response to a post about how surface dwellers probably have no clue what Atlanteans eat how much fun the Atlantean Fam probably has with that. 
> 
> Prompt: okay but kaldur'ahm side-stepping questions about [whether atlanteans are cannibals] (because really guys? why is this a thing that he’s being asked? who raised these surface dwellers?) with technically innocuous responses that makes everyone else even more slightly nervous.

Kaldur sank gradually down to the bottom of the grotto, limbs loosening as he allowed himself to be carried down. He opened his mouth, releasing the stale air still held in his lungs. His gills flared open in the gentle current that ran through The Cave’s small series of underwater tunnels and pools, filtering oxygen directly into his blood from the water. Air released, his body sank more quickly, until he was lying, bare limbed, on the sandy floor. 

It was a rare afternoon off from training and missions. There was to be a meeting in the evening between Nightwing, Black Canary, and himself to further discuss the possibility of transferring leadership from himself to Dick; the other boy had grown in the last few years, and Kaldur finally felt comfortable allowing Dick to take up the burden of leadership that he himself had shouldered four long years ago. 

So, Kaldur found himself in the unusual position of having just enough time to relax in The Cave, but not having enough time to make a trip back to his Star City apartment or Atlantis worth it. 

So he took the time to luxuriate in the coolness of the Cave’s water–a pleasant contrast to the heat of the Rhode Island in July. As the cool water surrounded him, Kaldur found himself wondering just why it’d been so long since he’d been able to relax like this. 

And then Poseidon, in his wisdom, saw fit to remind him. Via a very heavy, steel reinforced black boot landing on top of his face.

Scowling, Kaldur removed the offending shoe from where it had landed on his forehead. Squinting up, he could see the white and black outline of one of his oldest friends, waiting impatiently for him to surface. 

Sighing, Kaldur pushed off the floor, rocketing up to the surface. Then, for spite, and because it was not a _light_ boot and he _had_ been hit _directly in the head_ , he activated his magic, bringing half the pool with him when he landed neatly on the rocky outcrop where Conner awaited, soaking the other man completely. 

Conner scowled, dripping wet, and held his hand out for the return of the boot. “Gar is scaring the freshmen again,” he growled, putting the wet boot back on with an unceremonious _squish_. “Thought you should know.”

Kaldur resisted rolling his eyes. Barely. “Surely they know better by now than to believe anything he tells them?”

Conner shrugged. “Hey, he’s been here for a year and they’re all new. And its not like aliens and Atlanteans are very well known, even inside the League.”

Kaldur could feel the corner of his mouth begin to twitch up into a grin, despite himself. It was a new habit that had formed only when the Teams numbers had swollen to twice the original Team’s size and the Cave had become full of new heroes, none of which knew much of Atlantean customs or culture. And all of whom had proven somewhat gullible to Gar's _particular_ way of stretching the truth. 

As habits go, it was becoming very persistent. “Ah. _Those_ stories.”

* * *

Although he had been able to hear the cacophony of teenagers yelling at one another from the hallway, the common room was strangely silent when Kaldur entered. He was greeted by the sight of Garfield, in typical Garfield fashion, perched on the back of the largest couch, frozen mid-gesture. Wondergirl, Blue Beetle, and the newest Robin surrounded him. All four were eerily quiet, their eyes fixed on Kaldur.

“Greetings,” Kaldur said carefully, going to the fridge. He could feel the heat of their stares on the back of his neck, watching him carefully as he removed a bottle of water and some food. Turning, he looked each of them carefully in the eye as he set his food on the counter, noting that their eyes fixed specifically on the plastic wrapped tray bearing his lunch. “Are the four of you enjoying your afternoon off?” 

Wondergirl nodded, eyes still transfixed on Kaldur’s lunch. “Yes, sir–” she started, cutting herself off when she spotted Kaldur’s single raised eyebrow. “I mean, sorry, not sir, you said not to call you that,” she stuttered, face getting increasingly red. “I meant, uh. Yes, Aqualad.”

Kaldur smiled gently. Cassie was one of the newest heroes on the Team, and her eagerness to please reminded him of M’gann in her younger days. “I am pleased to hear it, Wondergirl. Now,” he said, keeping how tone carefully casual as he unwrapped his lunch, peeling plastic wrap back. The tray bore several large slices of reddish meat with rested on a bed of seaweed. It was standard Atlantean fare, for those who ate meals on the surface. “What were the four of you discussing?”

Gar grinned, beginning to speak, only to have a hand slam firmly over his mouth, muffling his response. “Nothing, Aqualad,” Jaime said quickly, pulling Gar off his perch. “Just, you know. Training.”

Kaldur hmm’d, picking up one slice of meat from tray, letting it dangle between his pinched thumb and forefinger. “Is the training not to your satisfaction, Blue Beetle?”

Jaime blanched, eyes flitting back and forth between the red, raw meat and Kaldur’s sharp teeth. “No, no it’s not that,” he said hastily. “We were just, uh. Talking about…”

“Crosstraining!” Cassie burst out. “Uh. You know, as a team building exercise!”

Kaldur brought the slice of meat to his face, delicately tearing off a sizeable chunk and swallowing the bite whole. He didn’t miss the way all three of the freshmen paled, or the subtle way they edged back on the couch. “Indeed?” he questioned, bite swallowed. “And what kind of cross training were you discussing?”

Robin recovered more quickly than his compatriots, as was to be expected of a boy raised in Gotham. “Well,” he amended, “Less training and more information sharing? We’re all just realizing that there’s a lot we don’t really know about each other or the rest of the Team. Important things,” he continued casually, and Kaldur was struck by the resemblance between him and Dick. “You know, like weaknesses, which languages everyone speaks, eating habits…” he trailed off, practically leaving a neon sign pointing to where he hoped the conversation would go. 

Kaldur bit into the strip again, tearing the meat cleanly in two. He could swear he saw Jaime’s coloring get a little close to Gar’s vibrant green. “And what have you learned?”

Robin shrugged. “That Gar’s a vegetarian, Miss Martian can eat whatever because she can change her anatomy and biochemistry to digest basically anything organic, and that Superboy really, really likes apple pie.”

Wondergirl managed to tear her eyes away from the terrifying spectacle of Kaldur’s teeth. “What about you, Tempest, and Aquagirl, Aqualad?” she questioned, trying and failing for causal. “What do Atlanteans like to eat?”

All three freshmen leaned subtly back in, eager for the answer. Gar, for his part, appeared to be giggling himself to strangulation behind Jaime’s hand. 

Kaldur smiled, letting a few more teeth show than normal. “We are omnivores,” he said simply, in the tone that Artemis had taken to referring to as ‘Professor Mode’. “My people, of Shayeris, tend to favor a diet high in shellfish, seagreens, and shark. Atlanteans will, however,” and here he let his smile widen, just barely, “Eat whatever meat is available. We have very tough and demanding physiologies, and swimming under the pressure of the deep sea requires a lot of energy and muscle.”

“Is that why all Atlanteans are shredded?” Jaime burst out, wincing when Cassie immediately jammed an elbow into his ribs. 

Kaldur smiled, picking up another slice of meat. “One of them, yes.”

“What are you eating right now?” Cassie burst out, not even flinching when Jaime launched a retaliatory elbow into _her_ ribs. 

 _Ah,_ Kaldur thought, _And now we get to the point._

“My prey from last week,” Kaldur said casually, grinning inwardly when all three freshman’s faces clouded with frustration. It was a pleasure, sometimes, to be obtuse. “Atlanteans prefer only to eat what they have killed themselves. We also prefer things that will give us a fight.”

Jaime eyed the remaining slices of meat on Kaldur’s plate dubiously. “That doesn’t look like any shark I’ve ever seen.”

Kaldur smiled. “It is not shark.”

Robin frowned. “It’s not pink enough to be a salmon, and tuna aren’t found in these waters,” he said slowly. 

Kaldur swallowed another slice, running his tongue across the sharp edges of his incisors. “They are not.”

Cassie watched him, eyes wide. “And you did hunt it in the ocean, right?”

Kaldur nodded. “Of course.”

All three stared uncomfortably at the last slice of meat as Kaldur lifted it to his mouth, wincing in tandem as he ripped the strip in two and swallowed both pieces in quick succession. “A mystery for another time, then,” he said, still smiling gently. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to prepare for a meeting.”

With that, Kaldur walked back out of the commons, passing an eavesdropping Conner on his way to his quarters.

Conner fell in step with Kaldur. Behind them they could hear the sound of panicked half-whispers coming from the common room, accompanied by Gar’s laughter as he struggled free from Jaime’s grip and refused to explain what had just happened to the other three.

Conner eyed Kaldur. “You know,” he said slowly, “It would be really easy for you to put the whole ‘Atlanteans are cannibals’ thing to rest. Just tell them that Atlantean’s don’t  eat people. It’s really rude that they’d think that at all, anyways.”

Kaldur shook his head, mouth twitching up into a small smirk as he keyed in the password for his door. “Atlantis is a very diverse place, my friend.” he said, enigmatic. “While I myself am half human, most Atlanteans are no more human than your brother or M’gann.”

Conner scoffed. “Meaning?”

Stepping through the threshold, Kaldur turned to face Conner, baring all of his teeth in a full, sharp grin. “Meaning it would not technically be cannibalism.”

With that, Kaldur shut the door, going to his bathroom to retrieve some floss. As amusing as it was to scare the freshman, he thought, pulling the thread through his primary carnassials, seal _really should_ be more thoroughly chewed. 


End file.
